What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize
