mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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