Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
