Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
