Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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