when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
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you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
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If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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