i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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