I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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