No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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