There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
