I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
