i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
