My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
bring money and cleavage
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
