Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
My vagina just clenched in fear
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
