I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
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