I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
