I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
