Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
