True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
