Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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