If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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