the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
