i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
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