She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
