I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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