She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
