yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
