who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
