guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
