K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You were trust falling into bushes
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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