You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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