Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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