Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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