i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
