Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
