Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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