Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
