3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
