once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
