You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
