the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.