i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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