Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
