Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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