Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Randomize
