I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
