i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
