i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
