I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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