she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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