tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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