What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
