Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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