I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
