she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
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