The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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