after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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