Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
My bed smells like the plague
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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