I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
