You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
