Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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