the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
