you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I think i got beer on your cat.
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