i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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