when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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