don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
