so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Terrible idea I love it
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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