just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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