the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
