you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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