Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
