Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He did a backflip because drugs
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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