I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
The beer is more important than you right now.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
