I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
