i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
