I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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