I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
nutella sex= disaster
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
