Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
