I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
