just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
