yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
