Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize