I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
